Thoughtful Creativity

Better later than never

2010-12-05T01:14:00.000-08:00

“If you want real control, drop the illusion of control.  Let life live you. It does anyway.” Bryon Katie

So – I have this blog page. It’s called Thoughtful Creativity and I had all of these plans for it.

I would share myself, find myself and all of those other good works people share in their blogs.

Have I written in it? NO – not for over a year! And why not? Who knows. I suppose if I knew that I would have written. LOLOL

All I know is that it is time. I need to break out of this paralysis of spirit. Many good things have been happening. I’m finally doing Reiki for real. (Well, not that it wasn’t real before, it was always long distance. This is in person.)

So I’ve been counseling a Reiki client and working on control issues. And guess what pops up for me? You’ve got it! Control issues. Each time she breaks through, I feel a migraine coming on, or my throat is sore, or I have a fever of 102. I go home feeling wonderful for helping her work through her issue and I wake up the next morning feeling really lousy.

I am constantly sick. Migraines, sore throats, bad coughs and many fevers. It’s constant and every time I start feeling better it happens all over again. The only good thing is that the fibro pain is nearly gone. I’m down to 2-3 painkillers a day, which had been up to 6-8 pills a day.

I even went to visit my family in LA for Thanksgiving and didn’t suffer at all. I did make it easier on myself by having wheelchair assistance at the airport for the journey there and back. I’m sure that is what made the difference because I didn’t have to recuperate from the long, long walk and waits in line at the airport.

I didn’t even feel guilty or bad about it. It just was. It was the same with the family. I didn’t feel bad about not being able to do things.

So now why I am continually sick? Why is it when I am ready to embrace my good health, do I get sick again? Is it really as simple as letting go of control? How do I let go?

So now you know why I opened up with the saying above. That’s the answer to my question.

Breathe. Breathe and let life live me.

Well, I’ll let you know how it goes next time…… I won’t stay away so long.

Wow! I've been gone a long time

2010-02-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

I'm back. I couldn't believe I have been gone so long. It's been a whole year! Many things have happened in the past year that I don't need to go into here.

I think I'll just start again. I'm going to post thoughts, my art and more. I'm still an ATC addict, however, that's pretty much all I have been working on. I still dabble in jewelry crochet, bobbin lace and altered items such as altered game pieces, books, etc.

The ATC above is a multi-media item with watercolor, glitter pens and glass glitter on overall background. The Goddess face is a wonderful stamp I have that I adapt many different ways with hand-made paper, markers, micron pens and more.

I think this year I will focus on making ATCs that follow my mood and show some cards I swap with others for. I now swap exclusively at ATCs for All (www.atcsforall.com).

However, If you see a card you like and think you would like to do a private swap, leave me a comment and we'll talk. :-)

Music restores my soul

2009-02-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been about music. Re-discovering why music is so deeply entrenched in my soul. I forget sometimes. However, whenever I go back to music, I remember why I am a spiritual being.

I don't listen to music for it's beauty, although sometimes it is beautiful. I don't listen to music for the words it says. I listen for all of the above. I listen because it touches my soul, because it says something profound that I cannot express on my own. I listen because it reaches inside me and makes me feel alive again.

This song is one of those songs. Tell me, do you agree?

"The Age of Aquarius"

2009-02-04T23:52:00.000-08:00

"When the moon is in the Seventh House And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius ♒
Age of Aquarius ♒ Aquarius! ♒ Aquarius! ♒

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind's true liberation Aquarius! ♒
Aquarius! ♒

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius ♒
Age of Aquarius ♒ Aquarius! ♒ Aquarius! ♒

Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in
Let the sun shine, Let the sun shine in
The sun shine in, etc......"
----- from "Hair the American Tribal Love Rock Musical"
Lyrics by James Rado & Gerome Ragni

Back in the 60’s when this song came out, it was an anthem for the youth of that time. It was about “flower children” and “hippies”, free love and exploring things beyond our understanding.

I wasn’t quite old enough to be a flower child, however, I was close enough to be one in my own world. That is when I started really searching for my own brand of spirituality. It started me exploring and thinking.

My home life was difficult. My father was an alcoholic and so I retreated to books, music and my inner mind. I was a very imaginative young teenager.

My mother was understanding of my search for what I defined as my spirituality, as long as I didn’t run away and become an actual “flower child”. I remember going with my parents and aunt and uncle to Soho in New York on a vacation. My mom bought me a button that said.. “Make love not war”. My mother and I went to see Jesus Christ Superstar and Hair at the theatre and that is when I became aware of “The Age of Aquarius”. It said so much to me. When I bought the album I would play it over and over and sing along with it.

Now, more than before, I see this song as an anthem, especially, with a new president in office. Someone who I think will really truly help this country to go back to the golden times when the USA was strong and most people were happy and not suffering, as we are now. There are more people than ever out of work and with families who are starving. I see so much hope on people’s faces as they listen and watch Barack Obama talk about how he is going to help them.

Unfortunately, our last president did not give us hope. In fact, by the time of the nominations for president, most people looked as if they had given up. I know I felt that way.

I felt frustrated that the health system failed me when I most needed it. I felt frustrated that although I was working, I had less to show for it than ever before. I felt hopeless and believed that I would never feel hopeful again.

Now I do feel hopeful. I know that there is no quick fix, after all it’s taken us a long time to get to this stage of life in the USA. I feel hopeful. I don’t care if I make a lot of money. I just want to be able to live comfortably and to know that if my health condition gets worse, that I will be taken care of by my health insurance and that I won’t go hungry.

I can see “The Age of Aquarius” on the horizon and its really beautiful.

2009-02-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Here's a little bit of art that I have been working on while I was gone here.

I've been away from my blog for quite a while now. I just needed a little break. Well, imagine my surprise when I returned and found that I had won a blogger award. :-) What a nice surprise. It's my first.

So thank you George at "LostNight's Scribblings" for the nice award. I'll return the favor to seven others I find. :-) I hope you don't mind that I copied your little bit of text.

"So the rules to accepting my award are as follows: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap." - George/LostNight Scribblings"

10 Honest things about myself:

1. I don't give myself enough credit for having such strong internal strength. I tend to brush it off and discount it.

2. Age is just a number. It depends on how you feel inside. Today I feel 101. LOL Tomorrow I may feel 16.

3. I am alone because I have chosen to be alone. I don't have to have someone to just fill my days and nights.

4. "I may have Fibromyalgia, however, it does not have me." It took me a very long time to realize that.

5. I have a tendency to go so far within myself, that no one may see my real self. I need to let my friends and loved ones in more often.

6. I am a natural healer. "Why can't I heal myself?" I think that is because I feel more compassion and empathy for others who cannot heal themselves. It took a very long time to understand that one. :-) It keeps me humble.

7. I'm loyal and perhaps a little stubborn. Which is not a bad thing.... I think. :-)

8. I'm a cat lady and proud of it. They are my kids.

9. When I was younger I wanted to be just like my Aunt Geri. She was beautiful and a bit eccentric. Well, what do you know? So am I.

10. I can say anything I like....... Powerful words. I won't abuse them.

2009-01-08T01:09:00.000-08:00

I've been kind of out of touch for the last few days. I've been really ill. Back and forth to the doctor, running a high fever, in lots of pain and generally feeling all blah.....

Well, hopefully the fever has finally broken. I've been fever free for about 6 hours now. I see the doctor again tomorrow to check it out. The worse part is that I have been off work and this is one of the busiest times of our year. The start of a new quarter at the University and students are in a real panic trying to get admitted.

I've felt so bad that I haven't even cared that I am unable to work. That says a lot for me, since I am a person who feels badly if I cannot do my part in my job.

Between sleeping and eating, I had a few hours of creativity and have taken as much advantage of it as I can. I finished a few ATCs, came up with a few ideas for some more and am doing a little journaling in my paper gluebook.

Here's a picture of an experiment in background making with some pigment ink, a few stamps and some "Pearl Powder". I like how it turned out. It is even more interesting I think because I used "suede" paper. It really looks like fabric.

I call this one "Humanity". That's the image I saw as I stamped and painted. :-)

2009-01-02T00:51:00.001-08:00

Here's a bit of a different piece of paper art I've created today. This is the Goddess Pele, a Hawai'ian fire goddess that I made for a Swap-Bot swap. She is the birth Goddess of my partner and is a paper doll. I used a pattern from the Enchanted Gallery website that we were asked to use for the swap. I used some nice papers I had been given in another swap and used some bits of silk flowers and beads for her decoration. I enjoyed making this one so much that I made one for myself. She is called Hathor, Egyptian Queen of Heaven.

These birth goddesses were chosen for the swap at a zodiac goddess website chosen by the hostess of the swap. It is all a bit of fun and I find it quite interesting because my main patroness goddess is Bast. In some research I have done, Hathor and Bast were considered "one and the same". I'm enjoying making these so much I may make a "Kuan Yin" and a "Medusa" goddess paper doll. I think I could have some great fun using various papers to depict each goddess. Especially Medusa, as it will be very interesting figuring out how to represent the snakes in her hair.

Late Night Musings

2008-12-30T00:57:00.000-08:00

I've been strolling through my day, surfing the web, creating art and generally enjoying this lazy moment in my life. It's so nice not to have a demand on me by work or anyone. I'm on holiday break at my job at the university and I am relaxing into it.

I am feeling the creative muse percolating in my brain, bursting out with little dots of brilliance. My goal for this week is to recreate my self esteem by publishing my bits of artwork and creativity.

Here's an ATC I created this morning. I gave no thought on what it was to become, I just let it create itself. The technique I used is called Iris Folding. I found the free pattern at this website. " http://www.irisfolding.circleofcrafters.com/irisfoldingcat.html" They have a lot of free patterns and very good instructions on how to make an Iris Fold card. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

2008-12-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

Here's one of the pictures I've uploaded to my "ATCs for All" account. I had so much fun making this one. I used a canceled stamp and "air mail" stamp from one of my received swap envelopes. The background is orgami paper, and ribbon. There is a vintage collage "beauty Post" image and a dragonfly button.

When I create I rarely have a picture in my mind of what I am going to make. It comes to me, almost in a meditative state. Sometimes I have a theme to work with, especially if it is for a swap.

Musings - 12/26/08

2008-12-26T23:14:00.000-08:00

This holiday turned out really nice. I had Christmas dinner with one of my coven sisters and her family. I had forgotten what it's like to gather with a family. Especially a family who are happy and well-adjusted. My family was very chaotic and it was extremely stressful to gather with as there was much arguing and fighting. My father was very angry ALL the time, so everyone would walk around feeling as if we were on eggshells. We didn't want to set off my father.

As the years went on and we grew up, my sisters and myself ended up with men who were very much like my father. I was able to break away and end the cycle for myself. My sisters were unable to do so. My middle sister still is married to a very abusive man, so one of her daughters has repeated the cycle with an abusive man.

One way I broke the cycle was by moving away. I have lived several hundred miles from my family and have been happily divorced from my 1st husband for 30 years and now am fully happy with myself and what I am doing in my life. I have no need for an abusive mate, just so that I won't be alone. :-)

Anyway, that's why this dinner was so nice. Seeing everyone playing and laughing together was wonderful.

And I think perhaps I was able to send some of this good energy to my family. My mother said that their gathering was really nice and there was no fighting or anger this time. :-) I'm SO glad.

2008-12-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

I found the blessing I am going to use for our Yule ritual tonight. It is an old Celtic Blessing that I found on the Internet. I would give the author credit, however, there
was no author listed.

"May the blessing of light be on you -
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart til it glows like a warm peat fire." ---unknown

I think it has a nice sound and it is keeping with the ideas of Yule/Winter Solstice. Especially since one of the reasons for celebrating this Sabbat is to honor the old dying God and welcome the newborn God. Yule is partially about celebrating the last bit of sunlight before the harsh reality of winter. My part in this ritual is to be the Mother, who holds the new God in her womb, the Mother of the earth. Any other time this would be really hard for me as I never actually had children, however, now I see my art and spirituality my "children". I "give birth" to creativity all the time. When I create the ATCs I swap and then pass on to someone else and I "give birth" to my Spirituality every time I participate or write a ritual. So this piece of the ritual is no longer an issue for me.

I am finding that each and every time I "create", I re-energise and re-dedicate myself to my "Spirit" and "my God/Goddess". So in a very real sense my spirituality is with me whether I am working at my mundane job, creating a piece of art, or creating a ritual to myself or my Goddess.

2008-12-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

This Sunday my group will celebrate Yule and the Winter Solstice. I need to write a blessing to share in the ritual and am having a little problem deciding what to do. I have some ideas and am going to go Googling for more ideas. I'll post what I came up with later.

I'm going to the Post Office to pick up some packages and mail a few. Our PO here has been insanely busy and I have great difficulty standing in lines because of my physical ailments. It is extremely painful to stand in line. I am hoping that if I go just before closing there will be less people in line. Wish me luck! :-)

2008-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Friends have been asking me to blog and show off some of my creativity. This blog will have pictures of my artwork, thoughts about my spirituality and anything else that might come to mind.

I've wanted to blog for a long time. I just haven't gotten it quite together. LOL Maybe this will inspire me.