Sunday, December 5, 2010

Better later than never

“If you want real control, drop the illusion of control. 
Let life live you. It does anyway.” Bryon Katie

So – I have this blog page. It’s called Thoughtful Creativity and I had all of these plans for it.

I would share myself, find myself and all of those other good works people share in their blogs.

Have I written in it? NO – not for over a year! And why not? Who knows. I suppose if I knew that I would have written. LOLOL

All I know is that it is time. I need to break out of this paralysis of spirit. Many good things have been happening. I’m finally doing Reiki for real. (Well, not that it wasn’t real before, it was always long distance. This is in person.)

So I’ve been counseling a Reiki client and working on control issues. And guess what pops up for me? You’ve got it! Control issues. Each time she breaks through, I feel a migraine coming on, or my throat is sore, or I have a fever of 102. I go home feeling wonderful for helping her work through her issue and I wake up the next morning feeling really lousy.

I am constantly sick. Migraines, sore throats, bad coughs and many fevers. It’s constant and every time I start feeling better it happens all over again. The only good thing is that the fibro pain is nearly gone. I’m down to 2-3 painkillers a day, which had been up to 6-8 pills a day.

I even went to visit my family in LA for Thanksgiving and didn’t suffer at all. I did make it easier on myself by having wheelchair assistance at the airport for the journey there and back. I’m sure that is what made the difference because I didn’t have to recuperate from the long, long walk and waits in line at the airport.

I didn’t even feel guilty or bad about it. It just was. It was the same with the family. I didn’t feel bad about not being able to do things.

So now why I am continually sick? Why is it when I am ready to embrace my good health, do I get sick again? Is it really as simple as letting go of control? How do I let go?

So now you know why I opened up with the saying above. That’s the answer to my question.

Breathe. Breathe and let life live me.

Well, I’ll let you know how it goes next time…… I won’t stay away so long.